During the day, while driving my car, or while working, I have the most profound insights in humanity or my own life. But when I sit down to write about them, I’ve lost them all. Must be the story of my life, but how can I reach greatness when I’ve forgotten all I need to know before I can use it?
Last weekend was Lowlands, both the best and worst Lowlands I’ve ever had. Best because it started great, with very good weather, good friends, lots of alcohol. Worst because I’ve been behaving stupidly towards a specific female. Shouldn’t have done that, or better said, shouldn’t have done it that way. Should have just gone with the flow and shouldn’t have started thinking.
It seems that thinking is usually what gets me into trouble. Everything is going as it should, and then I start thinking. When I start thinking doubts start to surface, eating away at my self confidence. Then I start doubting more, and at a certain point my own equilibrium goes down the drain and I do stupid things.
Smart things I’ve done lately, just to build a little bit of confidence again. Stopped my own company, found a real job and started working yesterday. And, well, that’s about it I guess. Now I have to build up confidence in my work, build up a good report with my bosses (small company, two partnes as owners and my as the only employee), and start up that photo education thingy.
Things have been set in motion, now I have to ride the rollercoaster till the end, be it bitter or sweet. Of course I could jump off halfway again, but doing that withouth having a fallback option would be more or less suicidial, and I don’t feel like killing all my chances at a future of my own choosing.
I will become a damned good photographer and earn my money that way!
Ah, it’s nice to have a goal that I might or might not reach 😉